Emo Diary Part 'Ono'

"Punk Rock Princess" by Something Corporate

Maybe when the room is empty,
Maybe when the bottle's full.
Maybe when the door gets broke down,
Love can break in.Maybe when I'm done with thinking,
Maybe you can think me whole.
Maybe when I'm done with endings
This can begin, this can begin
This can begin.If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You can tell me why you just dont fit in
And how you're gonna be something
Maybe when your hair gets darker,
Maybe when your eyes get wide,
Maybe when the walls are smaller
There will be more space
Maybe when I'm not so tired,
Maybe you could step inside
Maybe when I look for things that I cant replace, I cant replace
I cant replace.If you could be my punk rock princess,
I would be your garage band king.
You could tell me why you just dont fit in,
And how you're gonna be something.

Where's that studded belt? That jet black chopped crop of hair? That unique dressing to reflect her different shades of moods. Is it superficial or is it a declaration of preference for all things veering wayward from mainstream trends and styles?

Porcelin dolls are fragile and vulnerable. Make-up break up under the blazing sun. Mascara is cute especially with a tinge of salty tear drops to bring a trail of dull black down that face of forbidden beauty. So smash that porcelin and bring them to the grinder for a proper mashing. All they need is to break away from their cold hard exteriors. And shield themselves with all-weather coats of black.

Burn away their music cds of commercial worshipping. Crooners and simple lyrics surfing the frequency waves and engage themselves onto the ears of radio audience. Preached and influenced to commercial slavery. Originality fades away in the hustle. Jump start that dying beat of creativity. Put on your riot gear and start the moshing. All we need is an invigorating wave of support to lap upon us.

Dressed in black to hint her overcast moods. Her copper tone tan radiates aura nonetheless. She shines from within. She shines amidst the crowd. But nobody notices her. They are blinded by commercial influences. She treads through the unaware crowd unnoticed. Almost. There were some who took a second glimpse but look away after confirming what they have seen.

Her studded belt brought upon faces of disgust to passing-by "aunties". Her polished black nails brought horror upon the faces of innocent young kids. Her jagged hair and floppy fringe that strays across her face put guys off. Her vintage shoes became the talk in school, especially amongst girls who compared their latest posessions of trendy high-heels. But in the eyes of some, she is the princess. The divined. So are you blinded or am i a fool?

I yearn to be a garage band king. Lest the trucker cap and poser band tees, wrist bands, black rings.

--end of part I--

A verdict for the addict

Still Coughing.
I'm no longer a convalescent. I'm a hopleless soul addicted to coughing.

The verdict is out.

Fighting for justice was as futile as the meds i was taking throughout the week. No i cant change class. I still had to face the oddball with this freaky habits and insecurities. The help we seeked assured that we wont be victimised. That 1 point was returned to us. However, the "truce" was that I cant cough and I've been appointed as the minister of who-da-hell-coughed-should-be-gunned-down institute. This prestigious designation was assigned to me by you-know-who (he apparently fell 6 floors down and injured his ear; hence the phobia.Don't ask me why or how only queer people have their queer answers to their queer issues).

Quotes of the week with response scale guide of 0-5
(Quotes are not by me nor my friends; you work out the venn diagram and guess who!)

"Learn to adapt and accept cos you might face similar problems with your superior when you start work."--(1 x burp!)

"When i report you, you wont know. Your future will be jeopardised. Don't fall into the wrong track and end up being a naughty student."--(3 x Burp!)

"Please understand my case. I also don't want trouble. Stop making my life difficult."--(2 x Burp!)

"When there's a will, there's a way.(to stop coughing)"--(5 x Ahem!)

"Perhaps you can be the leader? Or maybe you should be leader in class and help me prevent people from coughing in class so that i can concentrate on teaching without getting disturbed."--(4 x *ass-stratch)

"I fell from (mumble) floor to (mumble) floor before. Hurt my ear. I'm an old man and i have this phobia. Unlike you, can take medicine and you are still young."--(5 x *nose-pricking)

Sucky week. Had a sucky weekend (mind you it was blowing malibu while i was coughing boo-boo). What to do? No weekend of bliss. No surfing. A weekend spelt weak end. Showdowns after showdowns and I still get a ridiculous verdict. 3 kick-ass quizes. 2 quizes to burn in the ditch and mourn over. And still NO BLISS (seriously I'm tired already). And im still a pathetic addict whose soul has been sold to the coughing bug.

Feeling so EMO now.

"Love, lust and fake integrity" by Anadivine

far from land

for empty breeze away silence tries to get this fortune

in a box wrapped with jades

id hold up if i were only strong enough to recall the nights when you called out my name

we cant hold onto this fortune

id call you up if i were only dumb enough

to forget the nights when you cried out his name

has that been your best intention

id call you up if i were only strong enough

lets cast these words into the sea put em in a bottle we agreed and

promise bottoms up before we write this down

intoxicate sincerity love, lust, and fake integrity

the feeling i wish you would have

my last words to the sea (to the sea)

id hold you up if i were only strong enoughto recall the nights when you called out my name

we cant hold on to this fortune

id call you up if i were only dumb enough

to forget the nights when you cried out his name

has that been your best intention

ill call you up

we cant hold onto this fortune

ill call you up

ill call you up

has that been your best intention

So so emo...

If i had a bike. I will settle for a vintage scooter painted in cream/pink/baby blue. I will sit on the leather seat in my washed-out blue jeans and brown top and baby-blue half helmet and step on the paddle with a pair of vintage nike shoes. She will be in her washed-out blue jeans and studded belt and brown top and cutie-pink half-helmet and tucking her hands around my waist. We will ride down into sunset and watch the stars fill up the sky. And i will whisper "At the stars" in her ears till we all shed tears and hug under the black velvet sky.

Pinned hopes and dreams. Funny.

The day i committed a crime.

Theres no other way of expressing my sorrows and frustration of not being able to 拜年(visiting relatives for festive greetings) lest to say the exasperating coughing fits that breaks in whenever i speak. The ushering of the rooster year may have brought some of us much happiness and ang baos but all i got was that dollop of feathers stuck in my throat. Despite missing out on 2 days of holiday, i still had to attend lessons. Drats! And as usual, bolts of coughing during lectures and tutorials. Oh well, the doc said it was ok since it was only dry cough so i am still fit to attend lessons. Well, nothing wrong right?

And what you are about to read next is going to be shocking but absolutely factual. No dramatising involved.

I got shot for coughing! Straight in my face. "Stop it!"

Don't worry if you dont know what's going on cos i had no idea then too.

My tutor blurted out the 2 words at me like I was attempting murder.

Not only me but my friends and the people around us were flabbergasted.

It then dawned on me that he was referring to my coughing.

I tried my very best to explain to him i wasn't playing punk by coughing on purpose; dishing out my meds & a back-up MC to verify the genuity of my health condition. All he did was just shoved everything i said aside and continued his rollercoaster speech mixed with soft and hard tones; gunning me down with his bullets of latent anguish and hate. Speechless. I was marked and facing execution for coughing.

I couldnt take it any longer and tried again to explain how i wasnt trying to disturb his class and my coughing was unintentional. Then came the high rise of emotions. He stepped back and waved his hands as if i was some major germ ball trying to infect him. His face crumpled and hinted a crying expression. Yupz, the look on his face was pricelessss. And like a combo meal, came the priceless quote "Don't do that again. I have a phobia and if you do that i will run at the speed of light and never talk to you again." Woah, that sentence was top quality stuff for a superb comedy flick but at that moment, it was confusing. Nope, you wouldnt want to laugh especially when it came from an old man armed with an encyclopedia of facial emotions.

Ok, so i had to submit. After all i didnt want to seem as if i was trying to bully an old man. I tried to plea for mitigation though deep down i know i had done nothing wrong. Nods, sincere eye contact and adjusting my body language to show submissiveness. You cant fight back higher authority I guess. The most demanding task was to control my cough. I knew if i were to let out even a tiny weeny bit of a coughing sound, that bubble of peace-talk would just shatter and ignite another fusillade. Point is he wouldnt listen to my explanation and so what's the point? Anyway, i think there was no need for another call of a priceless facial expression yah?

Then came another climax. He made a proposition. Either i change class or "stop it and cooperate" with him. Ok, deciphering that quote would mean to stop playing punk and quit coughing. Arghz. Someone just arrest me and throw me in jail cos i cant suppress my coughing no more. As i tried hard to calm the intense atmosphere with my cajoling; not forgetting downing lots of water to wet that constantly parched throat, i sensed the demons of hatred charging at me right from the mouth of Mr Priceless. It was indeed a mastery considering the fact that he could inflict such an oblitering blow at my soft heart without showing any hint of anguish on his face. You know a master when you see one. Finally, he was "convinced" and "satisfied" with his "victory" and walked away.

My friends and I knew that this unique commotion was worth analysing and as worthy engineers-to-be, we should examine the cause of it. Here is the post-mortem:

1. Mr Priceless was extremely unhappy with our requests for changing our groupings for project work during our first lesson. This unhappiness built up over time and became latent anguish.

(But in the first place, he asked the class if we were ok with his initial arrangement and thinking that since our request was a very simple one: swapping the names, i.e student #4 switch place with student #5, we initiated the request.)

2. Following the change in grouping, he invited more trouble by asking us openly in class if we were satisfied with the change. That spurred on more requests from other groups for changes. That could have made Mr Priceless even more frustrated and he could have conveniently directed the blame on us for causing him such a calamity.

3. Mr Priceless obviously doesnt like changes and likes to play everything by the book. His own way and his own ideas. No grounds for compromising. Hence, he doesnt listen to students' explanation and ideas very well. Not only does this applies to me, everyone else in class is included. A guy in class was asked to "clean up his cpu" (deciphering: wake up his idea) when he merely asked Mr Priceless for help on his project. Tactless.

4. Mr Priceless has an extremely odd phobia of people coughing around him. Ok that is pretty evident already but if you are still unconvinced, he deducted one mark from my project for coughing when he was asessing my group. He blatantly said "10 marks but since you cough, minus one mark". No joking.

As engineers-to-be, my friends and I had to resolve the problem and we went to look for someone who could helped us. After all, where was student welfare? Where were the teaching ethics? Didnt confucius said 有教无类 (regardless of who you are, everyone deserves to be taught)? We were doing it no longer on a personal note but for the benefit of the whole student cohort. After explaining to the person-in-charge, he told us he would settle the problem.

Next thing we know, while on the way back home, still recovering from shock, Mr Priceless called my friend (also my project partner) and asked us to talk things out on the coming monday.

Showdown? Or another series of priceless facial emotions? I wonder if i can recover over the weekend or else adrian the germ ball will definitely create history for making Mr Priceless run at the speed of light.

A Tribute to the great Master a.k.a Mr Priceless.

Priceless by Incubus

The fact that you
You think you can
Speak to me
The way you do
It bleeds me to believe that you
Have never stepped out of the skin you lived within
And then, and if
This day occurs
Your tongue, the taste
Will imitate a battery
The anti-equilibrium
Your stomach becomes the floor
The look on your face was priceless!
The look on your face was priceless!
Yes, the look on your face was priceless!
That look, it was...

Coughing fits

Until the day I die by Story of the Year

Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you
As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
You know that I'd die to
I'd die too
You remind me of the times
When I knew who I was (I was)
But still the second hand will catch us
Like it always does
We'll make the same mistakes
I'll take the fall for you
I hope you need this now
Cause I know I still do
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you
Should I bite my tongue?
Until blood soaks my shirt
We'll never fall apart
Tell me why this hurts so much
My hands are at your throat
And I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "remember when"Just like we always do
Just like we always do
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Can someone slit my throat open and remove the feather tingling against my insides? The cough is so stubborn that it just wouldnt go away even with suppressants like strepsills and pi pa gao. My chinese new year is such a tormenting experience. Dazing at the goodies on the table just makes things worse while i have to fight all desires to grab a piece of bak gua. The next moment i will be coughing in fits. Like a trigger to hold me back from the heaty food. Sometimes the fits last like for 5 secs and all that runs in my head are "until the day i die...i spill my heart for you...". Seriously, its no big deal. Just coughing and no other annoying symptoms like fever, runny nose. But the coughing is good enough to wreak my chest. It feels like I've just ran a thousand miles; breathless and feeble. All that weight on my lungs just worries and wears me out as i think about the long-awaited chance coming this saturday. Is it going to happen or am i just going to let this weekend pass by as i waste away in convalescence?

Am i asking too much? All i want is another weekend of bliss. I've exchanged health for a weekened of fun, unity, friendship and satisfaction. I wont take memories like these for granted. It will be locked in the safest part of my brain. Just one more weekend of bliss. Make it happen.